Midsummer crises

I still don't have a job. This is starting to get beyond annoying, as I am now £638 overdrawn, and my overdraft limit is £500. Any job ideas/opportunities will be gratefully accepted.

I'm wondering whether to go blonde (again) (the wondering is happening again; I've never done blonde before). Either that or I change my name. While I'm changing things, I should lose some weight. My friend's wedding is on Friday, and I spent all yesterday trawling the shops for a suitable outfit.

Problems: FLS (Fat Ladies Shop) clothes either resemble tents or aim for the 65+ market, or both. A major trend in standard shops is that empire line top, which either is too tight, clings to my stomach and makes me look pregnant, or is too baggy, looks like maternity wear and makes me look pregnant. H&M has the nicest clothes but is very free and easy with clothing sizes (in one trip I once bought a size 14 top and failed to get into some size 20 jeans - go figure). New Look has Nothing; Debenhams has nothing nice under £60. On the way home, I'd decided to wear a dress I already have when my mother decided to cheer me up. "Let's try Selfridges. You never know!". But I already knew - the double whammy of being too skint and too fat to even touch any item of clothing in there. Cheers, mum.

The first person to forward me a diet "GUARANTEED!!!!!1111!!!! to work you loose 15 FIFTEEEN stone in a DAY!!!!!11111!!!!!" - probably involving drinking the European grafefruit juice lake - wins a pound of flesh.