Anger

So, I've had contact with my father.
I say contact. In fact, he's emailed me to show off. The message runs (and I paraphrase):
Blahblahblah I'm doing really well blahblahblah 84% exam blahblahblah turned my first court case from hopeless into triumph blahblahblah whittled down to last 10 from hundreds of applicants for jobs blahblahblah invited to country estate blahblahblah reference from QC.
Oh, yes, you wanted to be a lawyer, didn't you? Aw, bless. Well, I suppose you'll be doing alright. Aren't I gracious? I'll even allow you to dine with me at my Inn! (As long as you don't talk to anyone important. To be sure, I'll take you on Guest night, when nobody important is there)
By the way, your stepbrother's girlfriend is pregnant, and the whole family is moving back to Bolton.
But I'm doing great in London!
bye!
(speak to you again in about 6 months)

Legendary

Just...legendary.

Frightening self-analysis website of the day

I'm avoidant, and possibly schizotypal, histrionic or obsessive-compulsive (allegedly). (BTW A is definitely histrionic.)
What personality disorder do you have?

Oh, and apparently I'm going to the Eighth Level of Hell. That's one away from the worst. I was also quite likely to go to no. 2 (the Lustful) of no.3 (the Gluttonous), but overall I'm a very bad person. Where are you going?

Also, I'm a Playstation. Essentially, this test says I'm a bit of a slut. C'est la vie. Good test though. it's from those TheSpark folks, so, it's fun.

Cash cow discovered

People of the world!
Are you:
* funny-looking?
* deluded?
* the same gender/hair colour/height as any celebrity?
* any combination of the above?
Then sign up with this agency and have all your lookalike dreams come true!
Honestly, have a look at these pictures. Most of them don't own a mirror, or have never actually seen the celebrity in question. Kudos to the guy who has decided to dominate the burgeoning King Charles I market.

Another night, another nightmare

I'm about 14, in a Brothers Grimm-type Germanic land. Me and my family (mother, father, little brother and sister looking like Hansel and Gretel) are escaping from something, I don't know what, and we take refuge in a remote ramshackle farmhouse with an oldish man (possibly a great uncle). He starts to show us round and takes us into a double room, for Mother and Father. Then he orders them to get on to the bed. He explains that he is going to kill the family. He will "find" our bodies in the morning, and it will seem to the police that the little sister did it, because she was afraid that the family would be split up. He makes the rest of us watch as he kills first Father, the Mother, then little brother. Then he pours poison onto the bedclothes in a little pool and forces the little sister to lap it up. He is smiling the whole time, and stands there staring at their bodies. I leave the room, and look around a bit more, but I can't find the way out. I realise I'll have to play along until he calls the police. I see that the other beds are unmade, and go to point out that we should make the beds that the children would have slept in (to make the story more credible) and one for me to sleep in. The man slowly turns and says, "I thought you would want to sleep in the bed with your Daddy..". I think, I don't want to sleep in with a dead body...then I realise, he means himself, he's my new 'daddy', and he isn't going to call the police.
Then there was some escape plan, involving a pig sty, but I woke up mid-way through.

Ouch

Another trip to the doctor, another medical problem diagnosed. Apparently I have costochondritis, and basically I can't stretch, twist, reach, turn sharply, cough, sneeze, laugh hard or breathe properly for the next few weeks without agony. The worst bit is, the pain is in my breastbone, so it feels like it's my heart...got some funny looks yesterday when I sneezed in Tesco, then started crying out in pain, clutching at my chest.
Thankfully, I have had some sleep (not much though) because my sciatica is behaving itself. I dread it rearing its ugly head - I wouldn't be able to sleep on either side, or my front, or be able to turn even a little bit. And I need my precious sleep!
I'm falling to pieces.

How sad am I?

Yes, I just watched the crappy animated version of The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. And, yes, I cried when Aslan was killed. Let it go…

Updated celebrity fantasy top ten

1 Jamie Cullum Short, but cute. Oh, and talented.
2 Eddie Izzard Wears better clothes than me
3 Nigel Harman I’m not your sister!
4 William Petersen Working the beardy look currently
5 Cary Elwes As you wish…
6 Johnny Depp Still can’t get over Captain Jack Sparrow.
7 Jude Law Looking forward to Alfie
8 Andy Flintoff Man mountain
9 Ryan Phillippe As a half-naked bus boy in 54 *sigh*
10 James Marsters Something to sink your teeth into.
11 Darius Danesh So wrong, yet so right..
12 Will Young I apologise. I dreamed he was straight the other night.
13 David Walliams Ditto
14 Billy Boyd Best looking Hobbit
15 Anthony Stewart Head Distinguished older man
16 Joaquin Phoenix But not when trying to shag his sister in Gladiator
17 Brendan Fraser Four words: George of the Jungle
18 Sean Bean Perennial favourite. Bring back Sharpe!
19 Ewan McGregor Obi-Wan, show us your light saber! Oh, you already did…
20 George Clooney Just…George.