Update

There is not much to tell. Busy busy with rehearsals. Bill Murray was in my dream last night. Bruise is almost gone. Have to learn some hymns. That's about it.

Link and dream

Childishly amusing website of the day:
The Fulifier

Last memorable dream:
I went to visit my Gran in Kent, who for no apparent reason was incredibly wealthy (and in fact not my actual Gran) and had a private cinema. There was a screening of a film and the posh seats were at the back. I was sitting next to Billy Boyd (Pippin out of Lord of the Rings) and we were getting on remarkably well...until there was an interval, and Stockard Channing sat between us. So I went across the road to keep an appointment to write a comedy script with Craig Charles and Johnny Vegas. Saying that, Charles was concentrating on writing, whereas Vegas was drunkenly attempting to seduce me.

Sick. As. A. Dog.

After rehearsal yesterday (3pm), some bright spark pipes up with, "Does anyone fancy a beer?". Not one to be churlish, I accepted, thinking it wouldn't be more than an hour, and then I could get on with essay stuff.
Cut to 12 hours later. We're still drinking. Admittedly I'm on water, having been poorly, but still pissed and playing 'I Have Never'. Shocking.
Cut to this morning. I wake up in someone's house, realising I need to get across town in 20 minutes for my doctor's appointment. And the door is locked. And my head's spinning. Baaah. Never drink again. Drink bad.

Today I have been mostly stalking trucks. I've been sitting in the cold on the street corner looking for an identical truck belonging to the company that i jured me to pass so I could give the police more detail. Sod's law - yesterday, three passed at once when I didn't have paper and pen; today, zero trucks.

The bruise on my arm is expanding and darkening at an alarming rate, considering there was no mark for about 24 hours. The bruise is tender but ok; the main issue is my shoulder joint, which was jolted, and now is giving me no end of gyp. And it's my writing arm.

Last night's dream:
Surprisingly did not include me exchanging body fluids with anyone I shouldn't. It involved sharing a house with a serial killer (who hid the bodies in locked rooms) as a kid then growing up to be a copper on his trail. Wish I could take a camera into my dreams - movie plots a-go-go.
Mental note: do not watch late night documentaries about serial murderers alone directly before sleep.

Last night's dream:
I have deep subconscious issues. I dreamt I copped off with my friend's brother (mainly) in order to piss the friend off.
Mental note: learn to lucid dream, then dream only about flowers and bunnies.

A brush with death
Yesterday I was hit in the shoulder by a 50mph brick which had come off the back of a truck. All I was doing was standing at the bus stop. If I'd not seen it coming, it would have shattered my shoulder, or even my collarbone. If I'd been standing an inch or two to the right it would have hit me in the face or neck and I probably wouldn't be about to write this.
This kind of incident usually comes as a wake-up call, doesn't it. Encouraging me to carpe diem and all that. Will I carpe diem? Probably not.

Ouch.

Ooh, pretty new colours....

A lovely way to start the day yesterday. I was chased by two Rottweilers. Devil dogs. It was a bad sign, as later on a different dog tried to eat my handbag, and I embarrassed myself spectacularly by falling over in mid-routine at opera rehearsal. May have done myself a mischief. Only time will tell.

Was greeted this morning my cheery text from my old china Ju informing me of Harold Shipman's demise. Now the radio is desperately interviewing anybody who knew any serial killer who died in gaol, i.e. Fred West's nephew, Myra Hindley's nurse etc. Currently some "expert" is on, talking about how Ian Huntley tried to kill himself. Media frenzy! All serial killers must go!

Noticed the text inbox on my phone had gone over 1000, so had to have a clear-out. 1000 seems impressive but it was mainly old shite.

Song in head:
Head empty. Whatever on radio will do.
Breakfast:
Toast and raspberry tiny tip jam. Yum.

Hurrah!

Mmm, sunday lunch can solve all...roastbeefroastspudsyorkshirepudpeascarrotsgravyapplepieandcustard...
Actually, even that can't. Ne'er mind.

Bah. Feel like I slept for about an hour, dreaming of ill-advised text messages.

NationStates update - as well as my personal utopia - Liondonia - I have launched an oppressive evil state called You Must Obey and an anarchic/socialist free state Churlish. It will be fun to see which does best...

Quality. I'm assuming Bolton just scored, because I heard stereo cheering from both Maman three floors below and the family next door. yay!

Have been having unsavoury dreams about Paddy and Kenny Senior from Phoenix Nights. Not at the same time, mind, but still, it's not right.

Heeheehee - funnies:
Good news at last
"Jesus is coming. Look busy"
Always a marvellous source of news - The Onion
Test every facet of yourself to pieces - I'm gayer than I thought
People look at me funny when i'm read this, trying not to laugh

I really love the advert bit at the top of this page, where it gives search terms for the page. I've seen "bolton", "moors", "anti britney spears" and (inexplicably) "girlfriend". I will try for more comedy words.

Hurrah! Rowan Atkinson WILL NOT, repeat, WILL NOT be taking the role of Voldemort in the Harry Potter movies. Thank god.

I forgot some people. Philip Seymour Hoffman, for sure. I've been accused of having weird taste, but, hey, some people like Victoria Beckham (yuk). To each his own...

This is definitely the best weblog about. It's enough to make a girl consider what she considered after watching Pretty Woman...

For my own benefit I'm adding picture links to my man list. I'm such a perv.

My top 20 man list. In approximate order. That is, if they all were in the same room with me...

1 James Marsters
2 David Walliams (no chance for jen though!)
3 Eddie Izzard
4 Darius Danesh
5 Anthony Stewart Head
6 William Petersen
7 Johnny Depp
8 Ryan Phillippe
9 Billy Boyd
10 Joaquin Phoenix
11 Sean Bean
12 Brendan Fraser
13 Jude Law
14 Seann William Scott
15 Ewan McGregor
16 George Clooney
17 Orlando Bloom
18 Ralph Fiennes
19 Antonio Banderas
20 Tobey Maguire

As at time of going to press...

*An Appeal*
I am selling all my videos on eBay. Please buy something. My username is jenlion. Satisfaction guaranteed!

Christ, I hate public computer clusters. I just found a 2-foot-long black hair in the keyboard.

I've gone into Uni today, bowing to enormous maternal pressure. Undecided whether to stay up all night on the computer, or to call my mate in hope of her sofa being available.

Can't remember last night's dream. Certain it was pretty f****d up though.

Found a fairly interesting website, kind of a pseudo-political Sim City. It's called Nation States and you, well, make up your own Nation State. Ahem. Mine is the Grand Duchy of Liondonia.

Goddamn my hormones. Every single male who walks past is getting the once-over. I will go and compile my lust list, something not done since I was at school (on my folders, since you ask. Some with photographs, for boring lessons).


Quality quote of the day:
One of a group of youths in Bolton town centre, who were deciding which street to walk down, on the decisive factor -
"Are you all insane? Have you seen those melons?"
No, he wasn't being demeaning to women. He was in fact attracted to the greengrocers, which had some lovely honeydew outside.
*thanks god even my hormones filter out automatically anybody wearing matching tracksuit top and bottoms*

Has the world gone mad?

Rowan Atkinson is to play Voldemort in the next Harry Potter movie. RUBBISH CASTING.

Ugh. Wednesday.

Last Night's Dream:
The bulk of it was being stuck in a war zone. My family lived in a mansion which had been taken over by a Saddam Hussein-type who was continually threatening to kill us, but I think he needed us as hostages. The stressful part was trying to gather up things I needed out of each room before he blew it up (strangely, my Auntie K had defected to his side). I think I escaped and then was trying to get to Sheffield on a double decker train, but kept ending up in York.

No, I hadn't eaten any cheese.

Isn't Slash fiction great? And also quite sinister?

Neighbours is terrible. Why do I persist in watching it? Why didn't I stop when Joel (and his propensity for walking around half naked and wet at least three times a week) left? He's not the same in The Bill.

Dammit, I accidentally ate some Christmas cake.

Today's real news:

Wimbledon is finally getting a roof! They got the hint then.

Britney and her annulment: I think she is a talentless publicity hound. She used to have a little integrity - I mean, she was always soulless pop, but at least she showed some consistent morals i.e. her Christianity, the true love waits stuff, things which meant you wouldn't mind your tweenage daughter looking up to her. Now she's a hypocrite and her music's crap too.

My local MEP was letter bombed.

Some stupid local councillor (a relative of a friend) is campaigning that Bolton's name is changed to 'Bolton-le-Moors'. There is some considerable uproar about this, usually along the lines of "Bolton-le-Moors Wanderers sounds stupid" and "Yada yada cost of changing stationery yada yada". Nobody has yet pointed out that we already are called Bolton-le-Moors (officially) - it is just that the -le-Moors has died out of usage over the last 50-odd years. I'm sure the old headmaster at my primary school (who we had to salute, and who retired when I was 8) insisted on it being called Bolton-le-Moors by everybody.

Wow, it's been six months since i was last here. Anyway, new year, new start, resolution and all that.

Today's news

My best friend Jen has announced she is getting married in April 06. This is no surprise; I knew it would be a New Year's thing once she'd turned 21, and the wedding wouldn't be until she's qualified as a doctor. The question is, will I be bridesmaiding?

Also, I got my Christmas present from Mein Papa in the post (£20). I say from him, but his wife wrote the card and envelope, and there was also a note from my little sister saying she wished she could have seen me at Christmas - a ploy to shame me, perhaps? At the bottom of the note was Mein Papa's latest email address (he seems to change it every week) as if to say that it's up to me to contact him. Their new address wasn't enclosed, or phone number. Meanwhile, I am still living in the same house with the same phone number and the same email address. Number of times he's called me in the last 6 months: 0.

My friend Ju started her work placement at the Mirror yesterday, all very exciting. I'm extra pleased that it was me (or rather, my breasts) that got her foot in the door.

Last Night's Dream:
I can't really remember. I was shattered, because I was on the point of nodding off last night when Maman insisted I take flu remedy. Although she failed to tell me it was non-drowsy. So by the time the caffiene wore off (approx 3am) I just about passed out. The one the night before was extremely vivid though, and revealed another previously latent crush. It involved going undercover at Moulin Rouge style bordello in Prague and running into Anthony Stewart Head. I've already said too much.

New Year, New Diet:
From today I AM GOING TO BE GOOD. Despite the stockpile of edible Christmas gifts, mince pies, cakes, biscuits etc lying around the house I WILL BE GOOD. I have until April, when I get measured up for bridesmaiding at my auntie's wedding. Apparently, her dress idea would suit someone with a Gwyneth Paltrow look and shape. Hahaha it is not going to happen couldn't she pick something more Kathy Burke?

Song in head:
Nothing. Then again, I've not had the tv or radio on all day.
Websites visited:
Celebrity Plastic Surgery
Amusing
GroupHug
Always makes you feel better. Compared to most people on there you are the Dalai Lama in terms of Karma.
Pop Puzzle
So far I've got 61 out of 70.

Enough for now, my fingers are freezing. Ciao! (pretentious, moi?)